Let's Row Together
What celebrity brings out in us. Simulated empathy. Roger Angell, the Brooklin, Maine library, Locker Room Talk, and gender in sports.
This week I fell into the cesspool of contemporary commentary about celebrities.
I didn’t go diving to reach these murky depths of celebrity voyeurism, meanness, and cynical butchering, which are easily found on social media and the Internet. I don’t make a point of going there. Instead, I tuned into the NPR public affairs radio show that I routinely listen to on weekdays, where, it seems, no day could pass without the hosts and guests “entertaining” us with rumors and innuendo, conspiracy theories and mocking sentiments, accompanied by hoots of laughter. Listeners’ texts which accentuated this mockery – driving it to ever greater extremes – were shared.
Until a woman’s call was taken, and she admonished the hosts for treating another human being in the ways they were treating Kate, this stream of garbage continued to flow. In responding to this woman’s criticism, one host (seemingly shamed, if that is possible anymore) said she was glad that her call hadn’t come until the show was almost over. Ha, ha.
Apparently, this is what passes for informing us about “public affairs.” And why not? Our culture is so awash in mocking humor and lashing cynicism in the delivery of our “news” that it should not surprise us that our brains now crave dehumanizing wit. If a show fails to serve it up, amplifying, then pushing mockery to its extremes, the fear is that we, its audience, will go elsewhere to satisfy our appetites.
And sadly the measured clicks by which these media cooks decide what to feed us tell them that only by pushing the envelope do ratings and social media posters’ “likes” and status stay high. Bashing celebrities is a handy way to do this, and demeaning the “other” is another. (Yes, I’m well aware that celebrities and social media influencers use this same playbook to hawk their products and draw eyes to what they are selling, often themselves.)
To my ears and eyes, we live in a modern-day Colosseum, only now we are the hungry lions on the hunt for a pound of flesh from a princess named Kate – along with many others.
On the day after Kate told the world she has cancer, neither host on this public radio show apologized for entertaining us at her expense. Did I expect an apology? Being the silly me I am, well, yes I did. It was convenient, perhaps, that all of this took place during the station’s pledge week, so requests for money mingled with mockery.
It’s not my intent to debate whether or how the “palace” could have done a better job in tamping down the rampant speculation. Lessons were learned, I’m sure. Instead, my interest leans in the direction of what this incident – and our celebrity culture – is telling us about ourselves.
Celebrity is, and always has been, seductive and envied, dazzling and alluring. And sometimes this brightest light lures us into places we don’t really want to go. Spurred by social media, our celebrity culture is corroding our civic discourse, dangerously toying with our democracy, and eroding core values once celebrated for making us “human” beings.
But our demonstrated capacity to dehumanize others – whether they differ from us politically or because of their celebrity – robs us of empathy. Thankfully, other species living in community - elephants, chimpanzees, dolphins, whales, dogs, rats, and chickens, to name a few – are here to remind us of our shared capacity for empathy.
In a talk MIT sociologist Sherry Turkle gave at Harvard Law School this week, she talked about people turning to generative AI chatbots to ease their loneliness. In AI, she said, they believe they’ve found empathy. However, “technology is not solving this problem but adding to it by warping our ability to empathize with others and to appreciate the value of real interpersonal connection,” she said.
These chatbots offer “a simulated, hollowed-out version of empathy according to the Harvard Gazette story about her talk. “They don’t understand — or care — about what the user is going through. They’re designed to keep them happily engaged, and providing simulated empathy is just a means to that end.” Turkle labeled this trend “the greatest assault on empathy” she has observed.
See if you see yourself, or a friend, a relative, or a child of yours in this observation Turkle shared:
Many already try to avoid face-to-face interactions in favor of texting or social media out of fear of rejection, or feeling uncomfortable about where things will go. “In my research, the most common thing that I hear is ‘I’d rather text than talk.’ People want, whenever possible, to keep their social interactions on the screen,” she said. “Why? It’s because they feel less vulnerable.”
But the convenience and ease of text and chat belie the harms caused when digital technology becomes the primary medium through which people connect with family and friends, meet prospective dates, or find someone with whom to share worries and feelings.
“Face-to-face conversation is where intimacy and empathy develop,” she said.”
If this resonated, you are far from alone.
In the last few weeks, I’ve shared the depth of my grieving at the loss of dear friends, but I’ve also shared the sustained deepness of my many friendships as being what buoys me in daily living. My closest friends know that I will pick up the phone and call them, and gratefully they take my call. I do this to hear their voices, to engage in an actual conversation, which is different than texting, and sometimes to plan another visit to be with them. I have several thousand “friends” on Facebook, and I’m active on it. Note to Facebook: your descriptor “friend” could use a makeover.
For it’s in the daily, time-consuming, lifelong work of nurturing friendships that our humanity is truly expressed, appreciated and returned.
To ease our transition, let me reprint a few sentences I came across this week while doing my FINAL read of the FINAL proof of Locker Room Talk. These words reminded me that our instinctual fear and common response of denigrating the “other” is a part of who we are, which our better angels must overcome. Admittedly, it’s getting harder now when the coarseness of reactive utterances gets amplified by our digital ease.
What once was whispered gets shouted today, and its echoes reverberate far and wide.
Here’s what men whispered about me in the 1970s, until Roger Angell revealed their reactions to me being among them.
FROM LOCKER ROOM TALK
“In ‘Sharing the Beat," [Roger Angell’s New Yorker 1979 story about my legal case and women sportswriters] Angell revealed what baseball writers said when they were together talking about my case and me:
“I often heard Ludtke defamed by people in her own profession. Her reportorial abilities, her seriousness, her naiveté for bringing the suit, her appearance, and her private life were snickered at and vilified. … I was startled by the slanders, not just because I know Miss Ludtke but because the worst of them were delivered with a perceptible, barely concealed rage – verbal hate mail.”
Verbal hate mail.
My dear friend Roger Angell wrote those words 45 years ago. Prescient, indeed.
Roger and me on one of our visits on his front porch at his Brooklin, Maine home.
Four summers ago, I was in Brooklin, Maine to celebrate Roger’s 100th birthday in the town where he grew up – son of Katharine Angell White and stepson of E.B. White, who lived there. Roger summered there until his death at the age of 101. On August 8, 2020, Roger spoke with gratitude for his life in Maine from the steps of the Brooklin Library.
The Brooklin Library will host me and Locker Room Talk on August 17, 2024. There, I will do my first of many in-person book talks, this one moderated by my longtime friend Kathy Bonk. The odd thing about Brooklin is this: since my dear friend, Terry, with whom I went to stay with last week, invited me to visit her there a decade ago, I’ve reconnected there with six other friends (including Kathy Bonk) who, it turns out, live nearby.
So Brooklin is one of my “soul cluster” destinations.
If you are in the vicinity of Brooklin on Saturday August 17, please join us for an early evening celebration.
So this is a good time to offer a 30% pre-order discount on Locker Room Talk, plus free shipping. To get this deal, go to this link, and use the code RUSA30.
MARCH MADNESS
As I write this week’s Substack, ABC and ESPN are breathing a HUGE sigh of relief that the women’s number one tournament seeds - South Carolina, Texas, Iowa and USC (along with LSU) – have all advanced to the Sweet Sixteen. They are especially happy that Caitlin Clark is still in the mix, since whenever she plays, a record number of viewers tune in to watch that basketball game.
Public service announcement: Iowa plays Colorado on Saturday. Tip-off at 3:30.
WOMEN’S SPORTS ON A ROLL?
Yes, the Caitlin effect is real, and other women in sports are feeling it in the record-breaking prices being paid for NWSL teams and in NIL (name, image and likeness) monies going to collegiate athletes. Still, the NIL gender disparity gap remains wide.
Before we get carried away with how swell everything is for women who make their living in sports, let’s consider this:
“Iowa's Caitlin Clark is expected to be the top pick in next month's WNBA draft, and records show her starting salary would be $76,535 as a rookie in her first season. That figure is raising some questions about women's pay in sports and how it compares to men's. During the 2023 draft for the WNBA, the number one pick made $74,305 as a rookie, according to Spotrac. In that same year, the number one pick in the NBA draft made $10,132,300, according to Spotrac.”
Pause to listen to this Des Moines, Iowa television story, “Fighting for fairness: The efforts to close the gender pay gap in college, professional sports.”
Let’s say goodbye with a bit of algorithm humor
In a time when #hashtags hand digital companies directional signals to track our likes, dislikes, proclivities and whereabouts, I guess I should have expected this job offer to reach me after using #locker room as a hashtag on my book and stories.
Yes, that is my speech bubble in this image.
The Red Sox are undefeated, as its new left fielder, Tyler O”Neill homered in his 5th consecutive Opening Day game, to put his team ahead to stay, while setting a major-league record.
Until we meet again.
Great to be in touch, Gigi, this way and all others. And as you know I'll be in SF in late October, with book event at Mechanics Institute either the night of the 23rd or 24th depending on whether the S.F. Giants play the Thursday night game. Thanks for your kind words about my Substack. Hugs, Melissa
Fantastic read, Melissa, on all counts. Time and again I talk to folks who find the NCAA women’s game far more interesting than the men’s game. Let your SF pals know when you come on your book tour. Book already preordered!